The difference between "old school" parenting and "modern" parenting.

FaryAnne Constancia

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the aim of this article is to raise awareness among mothers and father that there is a difference in Parenting styles, which is old school parenting and modern parenting.


Parents, mothers, and fathers, are the first teachers of their children. How the children receive parenting influences their individual achievements and the related outcomes. As years go by, people start comparing old-school parenting with modern parenting. Nowadays, old-school parents find it strange and unbelievable how modern parents are raising their children. In the following, we are going to relate old-school parenting with modern parenting, and we are going to state what are the consequences of these different types of parenting.  

Old school parenting.

Old school parents have certain ways that they disciplined their children because those are the ways that their early generational parents were brought up. These parenting behaviors are called "old-fashioned" in the modern-day world. Although these parenting behaviors are seen as "old-fashion" and "out of style" some modern parents choose these parenting behaviors to raise their children because according to them it is the best way.   

Here are 10 examples of "old-fashioned" parenting ways:  

  1. Say "no!" and mean it:    

Sometimes children tend to ask for things or suggest certain things that you as parents would not allow in general or at the moment or it does not comply with the rules you set for your household. If your answer is "no” the children tend to insist against the authoritative parenting style. Sticking to the “no” you as parents sets limits for your children and you teach them to behave appropriately to their ages and development.  

  1. Give the children chores:    

Giving the children small tasks to do around the house is a great way to develop responsibility and accountability. For example, doing the dishes, taking out the trash, folding clothes, making their bed, etc.   

  1. Make the children acknowledge adults:   

It is very important to teach your child how to acknowledge adults whether they are visiting grandparents' house, a friend's house, a party, or whatever place to greet adults present. It shows that your children have respect and manners. 

  1. Eat together at the dinner table:   

Sitting together at dinner at least once a day is great for the children’s mental health. It allows them to get comfortable and make conversation and express their emotions. Parents can also use this time to bond with their children and ask them a question such as, “how was school? How was practice? Did you experience something new today? What do you think you could have done differently? Were there moments that you feel sad or happy today? And what did you do to cope with these emotions?”. Eating together at the dinner table sounds very cliché but it is the top thing to do with your children if you want to spend time with them and you get to know them better personally.  

  1. Physical punishment:   

With physical punishment, we do NOT mean extreme beating and physical abuse. That is NOT the way to discipline any children, matter of fact any human being. Old school parents would give their children spankings here and there for misbehavior.  

  1. Withdrawal of privileges:   

Another punishment method that old-school parents use is the withdrawal of privileges, for example, the children cannot go play outside or with friends for misbehavior. Parents use this method to teach the children that what he/she did was wrong and to not do it again.  

  1. Respect and obey authority:  

Parents set authority by being strict and the set boundaries to discipline their children. They expect certain behaviors from their children which show respect.  

Modern Parenting

Modern parents are freer and more flexible with their children. They let a lot of behaviors of their children slide away because they think that the old school/ old-fashioned way of parenting is not correct. Therefore, modern-day parents have the mindset that they decide what is the right parenting way for their children and nobody else can tell them how to discipline their children. Furthermore, modern-day parents think that disciplining their children differently from the old-fashioned way breaks “generational curses” which is not entirely correct. Seeing how modern children are, obviously, not all of the modern parenting ways are working. 

Here are examples of modern parenting issues:  

  1. Being afraid to say “No”:   

Modern-day parents tend to believe that saying “no” to their children is very bad or as some say “my child has a very cute face that I cannot say no to”. Some parents do not like saying “no” to their children because they are afraid that the child will not like them as parents. Modern parents need to learn that not everything can be a “yes”. Due to this parenting issue, a lot of people are walking today in this world thinking that they have a high sense of entitlement. Most of the time a “maybe” or a “no” is a better response than a “yes”.  

  1. Balancing family and career:   

A common dilemma for today's parents is balancing work life and family. In this day and age, both parents, the mother and the father have a job. And most of the time parents work 8 hours a day and they barely have time left for the family. This situation is very frustrating for some parents because they need to split their attention between 2 places. Therefore, when they are more focused on one situation, they feel like they are neglecting the other. This goes for both the work life and the family life.   

  1. Avoiding rules and limits:   

Some modern-day parents do not like to set rules and limits for their children because they want to let them wander free all the time. Therefore, they believe that by setting rules and limits they are prohibiting and holding their children back. This is a big issue because the children will have no sort of guidelines in their life and they will not know how to follow rules in the future. It is important for children to know how to follow guidelines, because everywhere there are rules, for example, in school supermarkets, businesses, workplaces, traffic, etc.  

  1. Fighting back:   

By fighting back, we do not mean physically but verbally, for example, getting mad, yelling, and repeating ourselves over and over. Doing all this fighting back with your children is not good. You will give your children the impression that they can trigger such strong emotions from you. As parents, you will give your children negative attention by arguing and fighting with them. Furthermore, your children will think that they have power and control over you as parents. Fighting with your children would give them an unintentional reward, and that is not the discipline you would want your children to have. In place of arguing and fighting, modern parents need to learn more effective ways to discipline their children.   

  1. Failing to lead by example:   

Children look at their parents as role models. Your children are mostly in your environment 24/7. They would look up to their parents because according to them what their parents do is correct. Modern-day parents do a lot of bad activities in front of their children and expect them, later on, to do great in life. As the saying goes, “you reap what you sow”, the parent needs to face up to the consequences of their bad doings in front of their children. No one is perfect, but it is best to do the best in from of your children because later on, they will be a reflection and image of you as a parent.  

  1. Fighting your child's battles:   

Nowadays, a lot of parents are alert to fight their child's battles because they have the narrative that the child cannot fight them alone or because they are the parents and they need to help the child in every situation that they encounter. As young children, the parents should intervene in certain conflicts that they encounter but as adults, the parents should let them figure it out on their own. When the children are adults and the parents are still fighting their battles, as adults, the children will feel like they do not have a voice. The best decision for the parents is to let their children fight their own battles when they are becoming an adult because they will develop assertiveness and be more direct in a positive way. Besides, you cannot be there for your children all the time because everyone needs to leave this world someday. It is best to let your children grow a voice in this world so when the parents are not there anymore, they can be independent.   

  1. Rescuing your child before they make mistakes:   

Another issue that today's parenting has is that parents do not let their children make mistakes. It is normal as a parent to jump over a stone before your child throws it. As a parent, you want to avoid your child from making mistakes. But parents need to sit back and think that when they were children, they made a lot of mistakes no matter how many times they were told not to do it. Everyone needs to make mistakes in their life otherwise they will not know what is “good” and what is “wrong”. Constantly keeping your children from making mistakes, will keep them from learning.  

  1. Fail to listen to your child:   

Last but not least, an issue in modern-day parenting is that parents do not listen to their children. When parents do not listen, the children will feel dismissed and unimportant. As a parent, when you listen to your child you will make them feel heard and validated. Therefore, when you listen to your child it will show that they are important to you. It is very important to listen to your child. God forbids your children to encounter another person with bad influence that does listen to him/her you would regret in the end that you as a parent did not listen to your child.   


When you look at the parenting of back in the day in comparison with parenting nowadays you can see a big difference. Therefore, you will notice it in the behavior of today's children and young adults. In this world, nobody has a say on how a parent should discipline their children. It stays on each parent how to discipline their children. But they need to remember that the choices they make today have either bad or good consequences later. 

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